Monthly Archive for August, 2008

Phew!

Published on August 31, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by Officer Dibble from Tales from the Metropolis

Just finished the end of a weary best part of a month and realised how long it is since the last entry.I thought it best to get a few lines in so at least there is one August entry. I have been preoccupied with trying to nail a group of 'yoot' who have been taking the pi** more often than an Olympics drug testing Team. Still short a couple but enquiries are in hand as they say.

Things have cropped up which I was going to post on but shift hours got in the way.The issues surrounding the release of the killer of Nina Mackay for instance

I thought the comments from Nina's Dad were particularly poignant 'The opportunity for her to visit us for five hours per month would be overwhelming. That is not going to happen and our sentence continues unabated'

The storms washing around the Yard and its Brass who are turning on themselves is getting interesting.......lets see who is still standing in the New Year.
I have no real interest in the winners really as it wont affect me and my colleagues scratching around in the rock pool at low tide when the Storm dies down.

I am hoping the internal strife will filter down and put on hold any new 'big ideas' by those below the 'war(of words)zone' and settle for some stability for a few months.

Probably asking for too much with that though

The original post can be found http://officerdibble01.blogspot.com/2008/08/phew.html

Nurses

Published on August 30, 2008 in LAS, alcohol, hospital, nurses and sex. Closed

written by Area Trace No Search from Area Trace No Search

Nurses - the biggest friends of coppers, or their greatest cause of downfall?

Discuss.

Incidentally, despite what the gorgeous, innocent, fresh faced Nurse tells you whilst visiting their hospital, it is important to remember a few salient points.

1 - You are a male in his twenties, talking to a young nurse. What organ do you really think you are using for your thinking?
2 - Despite her relatively short life, she is not nearly as innocent as you think and will have dealt with and done things you haven't. Don't even try and cross her.
3 - She won't be impressed by your stories, so don't even try.
4 - If you mess up with her (and you probably will - see point one again), you may face the prospect of having an entire A&E shift turn against you. This is bad. You then may face the very real prospect of having to go there for medical treatment after an injury on duty. This is very bad.
5 - Despite what they tell you, Ethanol and Dr Pepper is NOT an appropriate substitute for "real" alcoholic drinks. You will get sick, I promise. See point two again.

And don't say I didn't warn you.

The original post can be found http://areatracenosearch.blogspot.com/2008/08/nurses.html

I’m just a poo-magnet, me.

Published on August 30, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by The Blue Light Run from The Blue Light Run

Having travelled 400 miles to visit my mum you would have thought that I could leave work far behind.....unfortunately not. Last Wednesday I took the kids to a local theme park to distract them from the rubbish weather and not being able to partake in any surfing. Anyway whilst waiting for son # 1 to go on the karts I witnessed an assault and just had to get involved. Anyway it turns out that an estranged ex partner had travelled from Nottingham to see her kids, who where in the custody of their father. He had thought, quite legitamately, that he would be safe from his stalking, deranged ex partner if he took his kids to a county on the other side of the country. She thought otherwise and tracked him to this humble little theme park and so a confrontation enused. Whilst waiting in the queue I witnessed ex partner laugh hysterically, try to kick and punch the father of her children, his new partner trying to restrain her and keep them separate, him then trying to keep his cool and shield the kids from being assaulted while everybody else walked on by....the ex then hit the floor having been pushed away by Dad and he then made his getaway with the kids safely under his wing. At first I thought it was just high spirits but it very quickly became obvious it was much more serious (and weird). So, ensuring my kids safety, i sauntered over in my bermuda shorts and produced my badge. Suddenly everyone was talking to me, security turned up and the ex was blurting out her life history and telling me how the father had previously forced his own child to eat his own faeces and was not worthy of being a parent. I checked out the extensive self harm marks and clear signs of mental health issues and decided that I was going to have to be brutally honest, direct to the point and not listen to the ranting of this woman if i had any chance of getting away and enjoying the rest of my day. I told her she had to leave now or there would be a good chance she would be arrested, as would probably the father of her children. She grinned at me, nodding and then tried to negotiate. 'If I could just have the kids tomorrow to take them horse riding', she began......not wishing to become embroiled in this, I became more direct, the security guard and manager of the site kept telling her my idea was sound. Go home. Or it could get nasty. Anyway after 15 minutes she agreed to a refund and left with security. 'Job done and no paperwork' I thought ....rather naively. Two days later i get a call from the local cops, she and the ex husband had been arrested that night after tracking them down in the local mcdonalds. They had got my name and contact details from the security guard and could i provide a statement? sighing inwardly I replied 'yes'. Still, at least I might get a recall to duty payment.

The original post can be found http://thebluelightrun.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-just-poo-magnet-me.html

Mysteriously Varnished…

Published on August 29, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by PC Bloggs from PC Bloggs - a Twenty-first Century Police Officer

In Blandmore we don't deal with many cases like the mystery of the vanished Foster family in Oswestry. On Monday night their manor house burned down and there are rumours that shotgun cartridges and blood was found in the courtyard.

A lot of our locals do go missing, however, and the reasons can be narrowed down to one of the following:

Their parents have draconian old values and disagree with 12yr olds running around sleeping with adult men, burgling and drinking, so the kids have no choice but to run away on a daily basis. We have no choice but to look for them.
They are mad and don't want to be un-madded.
They are due in court and likely to go to prison.

The third category are usually caught by a simple system - they are circulated as "Wanted" on the Police National Computer and will therefore be arrested at some point when checked by the police. Despite this, if someone in their family reports them as "missing", we also have to circulate them as "Missing" on the Police National Computer. The main difference between searching for people who are Wanted and people who are Missing is that Wanted people get visited at 4am, Missing people in the daytime.

Occasionally Missing people turn up dead. We had one guy who went out for a drink, got separated from his friends and got a taxi home instead. Five days later after we kept reassuring his mates he would "turn up", he turned up in a field next to a motorway, fifty metres away from a car we didn't know he owned, dead. Because of this, we have to search for Missing Persons as if they are all dead.

If only we weren't spending all our days running round after alive delinquent 12-year-olds, we might have time to find the people who are truly Missing.

By the way, some news. Updates to follow as we learn more.

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

The original post can be found http://pcbloggs.blogspot.com/2008/08/mysteriously-varnished.html

Not again.

Published on August 28, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by PC Bloggs from PC Bloggs - a Twenty-first Century Police Officer

Once again, senior officers in the Metropolitan Police are not only airing their dirty laundry in public, but hanging it up inside out and drawing rude pictures on it.

I don't know why, but all this talk of an Asian officer being discriminated against for so long that he only ever rose to the piddling rank of Assistant Commissioner, is grating on me. There's only one solution: I must be racist.

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

The original post can be found http://pcbloggs.blogspot.com/2008/08/not-again.html

Treading Water

Published on August 28, 2008 in morale. Closed

written by Sergeant Simon from Sergeant Simon

I know, I know. No updates for weeks on end.

I'd like to put some funny or humorous slant on it, but there isn't one really. I am fed up with the job to the extent that time away from it I don't want to think about it at all. I am actively searching the jobs pages (internal, I might add, it's not that bad) for something else- I feel at the moment I simply have to get off response team.

I can't pinpoint precisely why, but its a combination of a few things. A new performance target obsessed governor certainly doesn't help. If it doesn't tick one of his boxes, he simply doesn't care. Actually, that's not true- he actively discourages the troops to do anything that doesn't contribute. Unlucky for you, Suburbiaville residents, if you have a road accident, have a relative who dies, or have cause to call police for anything other than an incident that will require you or someone to be arrested or searched. I don't agree with it all, my PC's know I don't agree with it. They know as long as they're doing their jobs properly I don't care what the final outcome is. But when it's the governor who signs off their applications for courses or promotion, he only looks at the league tables, so I can't blame them for playing the game.

Shift pattern- at least every other month I don't have any weekends off at all. Football season will probably put paid to the other 1 in 4 weekends I'm not at work soon enough.

I think the thing that saddens me most of all is that I am seriously fed up with the laziness of some of the PC's across the teams. I have put a lot of effort into trying to help out with their kit, sorting out supplies, making sure everything is there available that needs to go with a response crew. Yet I go away for a week and find everything in complete disarray. With a few exceptions, the PC's are selfish and either keep stuff for themselves, or expect everything to be sorted out for them. For them, it seems, everything is always someone elses job- yet actually they all have the collective responsibility for it. I've even had some of them come up to me and say "but this isn't your job sarge!" to which I've replied "I know, it's yours". However, the message still hasn't got through and I've had enough doing it for them. Especially when really in theory I should be disciplining them for not doing it in the first place.

So, I'm actively seeking to get off response work. Perhaps I just need a break from it, a change is as good as a holiday and all that. I'm not that fussy as to where I go, just as long as its not office based!

So apologies for the lack of effort on here. I take my hat off to the other bloggers who get almost daily updates on theirs. Hopefully, in a few months, I'll be doing something different and getting myself a bit more zested up. Not just - to quote Mrs Simon who happened to read this whilst in progress- "all you're doing is moaning!"

The original post can be found http://policelockerroom.blogspot.com/2008/08/treading-water.html

Ingenutiy

Published on August 28, 2008 in Scrotes. Closed

written by No Offences Disclosed from No Offences Disclosed

The out and out ingenuity of the human mind is often startling. The ability to see around a problem and seek a resolution that enables one to continue with an enterprise never ceases to amaze me. Equally, the sheer stupidity of the human condition that enables the mind to think: “Yeah I can get round that problem this way. I’m happy that that seems really safe!!”

The recent example that springs to mind is the stolen vehicle I recently recovered. After a brief pursuit the night shift picked up a couple of bodies from the stolen car and I was tasked to attend scene and recover the car which had been left parked nose first into a wall.

This car, typically a 15 year old Vauxhall Astra, had been entered and in the process of breaking the steering lock the steering wheel had fallen off. To our intrepid car thief this was no barrier to progress. He was armed with exactly the tool for the job, two of them. A pair of mole grips had been fastened to the steering rack and were being used as in impromptu steering wheel/handle bar type thing. How ingenious and how dangerous! The true wonder of it is not that he crashed but that he didn’t stack it sooner and on to more effect in the lanes he had been bombing around for the half hour previous to his incident.

Answers on a post card please, or append a comment below: What is the most ingenious/absurd enterprise you have seen?

The original post can be found http://nooffencesdisclosed.wordpress.com/2008/08/28/ingenutiy/

Knife Point

Published on August 28, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by Disgruntled from Disgruntled

Why oh why do I constantly see police on the telly showing off the most ridiculously huge knives in an effort to show what has been confiscated from the street?

In all my years in the police I have never yet come across a youth, or anything else for that matter, carrying a form of Klingon fighting sword! I can only assume these items have been seized from some dodgy weapons shop or something.

My experience of youths with bladed or pointed articles has been one with a stanley blade in his wallet and a kid with a fishing knife. Not exciting or in the slightest bit headline grabbing - thinking back I think they both got cautions as well....

I'm not trying to take anything away from the severity of the offence but I would add that I would bet the majority of the stabbings taken place have been with little more than a knife you would cut a cucumber with.

The original post can be found http://disgruntledcop.blogspot.com/2008/08/knife-point.html

Any Chance Of A Small Coup?

Published on August 27, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by The Coppersblog Team from The Policeman's Blog

A regular reader sent us this in via the email link at the top right (send in your own tales of madness, but obviously don't ID anyone). Non-police readers, at least the terminally naiive among you, will get to the bottom of this piece and wonder what on earth is going on in this sodding country. I suppose a small coup - no blood, something quick and awfully polite - is too much to ask for*?

I was handed a prisoner last week.
He had been arrested on suspicion of burglary.
Caller sees the handle of the back-door to his mid terrace moving at 2am and calls 999 saying he is being burgled.
Patrol arrives and finds very drunk male in back yard.
He is immediately arrested for burglary and cautioned.
'What are you on about?' he replies. 'Thish ish my houshe'.
Is he:

a) Asked where he lives, eliciting the answer 'six doors away', taken to the house where the keys are checked and it is established that he does live there, and that he went to the wrong back door in his drunken state, before being put to bed, with the patrol and the caller raising their eyebrows and having a good chuckle at this harmless little mix-up
or

b) Arrested, statement taken, burglary pack completed, crime report submitted and bedded down until sober for me to find all this out six hours later?

As I tell this story, I am trumped by a colleague's (hearsay but believed) retort:

Caller sees stranger going into neighbour's house, rings up and gives description.
Male fitting description seen by patrol nearby and arrested.
Enquiries with house owner reveal legitimate access (feeding the cat or watering plants or similar).
Is male:

a) immediately de-arrested and dusted down
or

b) allowed to continue into custody, where the tick is generated for the arrest only when booked in?

You couldn't make it up (and why would you bother, with this goldmine).

*This is intended in an ironic and humorous way, and not to be inciteful. Just in case you were wondering.

The original post can be found http://coppersblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/any-chance-of-small-coup.html

BENEATH THE MUSKEG

Published on August 25, 2008 in Uncategorized. Closed

written by PC COPPERFIELD from The Policeman's Blog

With all the news about recession in the UK, here's an interesting piece in my local paper about how the economy is doing in Alberta. Fort McMurray is a town about five hours drive north of Edmonton and is the epicentre of the Alberta boom. Its wealth has been brought about by the discovery of crude oil there. The 'oilsands' are a mixture of soil, water and bitumen so extracting the crude has always been something of a technical challenge. Fortunately for those of us who live here, the high oil price has meant that crude extraction in the oilsands of Northern Alberta is now highly lucrative. What's more, as the oil companies get more efficient, it will remain a lucrative business even if (as will probably happen) the oil price drops.

The effects of the oil boom can be seen throughout Alberta with lots of people preferring to work in the oil business rather than be receptionists, nurses, teachers or police officers, leaving immigrants like me and the wife to do fill the vacancies. Quite whether the current level of crime here in Edmonton is to the oil boom or not is hard for me to say, but by all accounts things in Fort McMurray are much worse (the link's a bit old, but you get the idea).

Meanwhile, there have been a few local difficulties, all of which help remind one of the importance of regular trips to the range.

The original post can be found http://coppersblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/beneath-muskeg.html